Swiped right on the classic hipster looking 35-year-old from Delhi. Recently moved to the city, he did not really think through when you selected his flat in Wadala. I mean, which girl in the right frame of mind would travel to Wadala to bang a migrant. It is hard enough to get your ass to Lokhandwala for hotter struggling actors! After the initial pleasantries and getting to know you, I typed: “How do you actually look? Maal dikhao.” Truly what I meant was, a shirtless photo to establish whether his beer drinking passion was already converted into a round belly hidden below the hipster jacket. I don’t mind a little bit of stomach but sometimes it’s just this flabby upper body with men boobs and lumps that is a clear sign of arrogant chauvinism – “Ladki hot honi cahiye lekin main mahan… apne mahan pet ke saath”.
Dating advice: if you work out and always take care of the extra kgs so expect the other person to make the same amount of self-care efforts.
He got excited and said: “Hold on a minute”. Sure, why not, it takes time to click a good photo, remove your shirt, edit where possible. We all do it. After a few minutes…comes the image. A dick pic! I have not seen too many but somehow, I feel they all look more or less the same. I could not contain my laughter, on and off the chat. He got very embarrassed, kept on asking what I meant and started apologising. I made so much fun of him throughout the follow up conversation but even after that he was still his good narcissist self. Asked me to come over for a drink bla, bla… I asked him to at least send photos of his apartment to ensure I don’t end up in a dump in Wadala…In case I changed my mind and decided to go to his place after all.
I left this one hanging and politely said I was going to be busy next week. I would call when free. I will probably ghost him because the vibe was not right. Too keen too soon for me. I also want sex but there needs to be some sort of build-up. It doesn’t really turn me on if someone immediately goes to the genitals, whether online or in person. There needs to be playfulness, a genuine interest in my pussy, not pussy in general. I need to know what makes my pussy special because I want to feel special. Is this person chatting with me just because I look a certain way?
Dating advice: Being physically attracted is only step one. You need to be interested in me as well, for me to get aroused. Step two is to be curious about me and not just my smile or boobs. Find out what makes me unique amongst the thousands of profiles you swipe right and left and tell me! Tell me how I am special and why you want me. Step three make me feel safe by asking what I like and don’t with respect to flirting and sexting. I might turn at your doorstep with not so much convincing, whether you live in Wadala or Vasai. Ok maybe not Vasai..:P
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